Celebrity profiles are ludicrous, even when they're about real estate

What's new in the world of Hollywood bungalow renovating? Not much!!

Celebrity profiles are ludicrous, even when they're about real estate

I love to waste time on the internet, if you couldn’t tell from the existence of this newsletter, and I also love home decor. So of course when a link to a celebrity home renovation appeared in front of my eyes, I clicked it. I expected something bland and pleasing, so imagine my delight when it turned out to be bizarre and confusing.


A post shared by Sophia Bush (@sophiabush)

The article in question was on the home renovation project of Sophia Bush. Before we begin, I want to say that I have nothing against her at all. I think she’s fantastically pretty. I am obsessed with the maxi dress she wears in this profile. And I absolutely adore her work in one of my favorite music videos ever, Passion Pit’s “Carried Away.”

My beef is not with Sophia. My questions are for this ELLE Decor writer.

The very first line here is “It must be written somewhere that to live one’s best life in and around Los Angeles, one must first find the perfect modernist house,” a perversion of Jane Austen that I don’t think a single person has ever written or said. But I don’t hang out with rich California types! Perhaps that is what they all desire in order to live their best lives, and someone has beaten this writer to the punch coining that particular truism.

The next paragraph gives me immediate whiplash, because it states that the 1950s bungalow that Sophia Bush acquired is “is next door to the home she resides in.” I thought that Angelinos must live their best lives in their perfect modernist houses? They just need to acquire them? A perfect modernist house is but a prize to clutch in their famous and beautiful talons?

Anyway, Sophia Bush achieved the goal of possessing a dwelling of appropriate modernity. Fine. She should be living her “best life” now, so one would not imagine that she could improve on perfection. And yet, there is a next step: tearing it apart and redesigning it. That modernity is dated.


A post shared by ELLE Decor (@elledecor)

Now, this kind of a renovation is difficult, but we are not to doubt Sophia. Per this article, “she is not easily intimidated—as proven by her longtime activism for causes such as voting rights and gun control.” Thank goodness! Rest assured, her fight against gerrymandering and school shootings has prepared her for similarly intense battles in the war against a closed floor plan that neither maximized the space nor created an airy, light-filled environment.

“As it turns out,” the profile finally mentions, “the project could not have come at a more opportune time.” This is because Sophia Bush is actually launching her own interior design firm. What a coincidence! A very opportune time indeed! It’s almost as if the house (acquired but not resided in) was simply a business project, and this profile is nothing more than an advertisement for this business. What kismet!

If you feel this profile is lacking, please don’t despair. At the time of this writing, the “Celebrity Homes” section of ELLE Decor’s website has no fewer than NINE Sophia Bush articles on its front page alone. They are our nation’s top source for Sophia Bush home renovation news! God bless them.

Anyway, this has been a reminder that the online content machine is bizarre, people are weird about celebrities, and sometimes this newsletter is pointless.